No Rain
by Beautiful Midnight
Summary: Farfarello contemplates love, blood, and knives while listening to Blind Melon


~All I can say is that my life is pretty plain .. I like watchin' the puddles gather rain. And all I can do is just pour some tea for two and speak my point of view.~  
  
I think I'm lonely. I'm not sure, but whenever Brad and Schuldig go off to fuck in Brad's office, I feel something. I'm glad they're hurting God, but maybe I wish it was me. Having sex, not hurting God. .well, maybe both. I offered to have sex with Nagi, but he threw me against the wall again. If you look at it the right way, you can see a me-shaped dent in the wall from all the times Nagi had a hissy fit. [giggle]. I've figured it out. God doesn't want me to be happy. He's angry because I hurt him so much. I still haven't tasted his blood. I want to. I want to taste His blood more than anything. Maybe I can taste it when I'm in Hell. I'm in Hell. I've always been in Hell. There is no Heaven. No Earth. Only this.  
  
~ But it's not sane, It's not sane ~  
  
War. Death. Destruction. Blood. I love it. I've started my ritual again. Every night, I cut myself while reciting the bible. None of the others have the stomach to watch me, but sometimes Schuldig helps. He says he doesn't mind the taste of my blood, and he even lets me cut him. I cut him once. His blood has a nice taste to it, and I think he liked me licking it up. Brad looked pissed off. Then again, he always does.  
  
~ I just want some one to say to me.. I'll always be there when you wake.  
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today, so stay with me and I'll  
have it made. ~  
  
Maybe I am lonely. I want to have sex with that kitten from Weiss. The one with the claws. I can only imagine how good those would feel when they were cutting me. I dreamt about it last night. About him kneeling over me and raking those claws across my chest, then licking it up and letting me cut him. The thought makes me shudder. It does something to Schuldig too, I guess, because he spat out his coffee when I was thinking about it this morning. Then he gave me a weird look and shook his head. "Y'know, Farf, you really -are- out of your fuckin' mind."  
  
~ And I don't understand why I sleep all day, and I start to complain that there's no rain. And all I can do is read a book to stay awake, and it rips my life away, but it's a great escape.~  
  
Am I? Probably. That would explain the asylum. It was strange in there, but it's a lot like living here. They keep me locked in a padded room, they feed me mediocre food, and they always make sure I have my medication. The only difference is the knives. I love my knives. They need sharpening, but I still love them. Is that what you call unconditional love? Tonight, I think I shall ask the kitten with claws if he wants to have sex and cut me. Maybe he'll cut me anyway. [giggle] I want to cut the young one and taste his blood. The grouchy one would probably taste cold and bitter.. and the other one.. well, smoker's blood is disgusting. I mean, really. Have you tried it?  
  
~ escape......escape......escape...... ~  
  
But am I lonely, or just bored? I can hear Brad and Schuldig in his office again - They think Nagi and I don't know, because we can't read minds. I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid. They think I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm just in Hell. I've always been in Hell. I'll never go to Heaven. If I did, I'd want to kill Him. Then it'd be Heaven. Then I'd want to go to Heaven instead of living in Hell. Sometimes I miss my mother. I miss the way she used to hug me. I tried to hug Nagi and he threw me against that goddamn wall again. Next time, I'll throw -him- against a wall and see how he likes it. It doesn't hurt me, it's just annoying. Sometimes he's such a child. Other times, he's just like Brad. Only Schuldig and I know how to have fun.  
  
~ All I can say is that my life is pretty plain ya don't like my point of  
view .. ~  
  
.. We're going?  
  
~ ya think I'm insane.. ~  
  
Already? [sigh] Very well. To the flower shop, then. I do hope they'll be  
happy to see us.. [smirks, stands up]  
  
~ Its not sane......it's not sane. ~ 


End file.
